Can We All Agree That These 12 Midwestern Foods Are Actually Gross?

Dont’cha know these are gross?

LISTEN UP Y’ALL: The Midwest is great. It has awesome cities, amazing people, and (for the most part) delicious food.

LISTEN UP Y'ALL: The Midwest is great. It has awesome cities, amazing people, and (for the most part) delicious food.

But let’s be real, some of the more “traditional” Midwestern foods are actually pretty gross. I grew up in the Midwest and I STILL think they’re disgusting.

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The endless variety of “creative” cheese flavors that come out of Wisconsin.

The endless variety of "creative" cheese flavors that come out of Wisconsin.

Everybody knows that Wisconsin cheese is GREAT — they just take it way too far! Chocolate cheese, pineapple cheese, and cinnamon cheese are just SOME of the horrifying flavors I have seen coming out of the badger state. I LOVE cheese, but this is just foul…

Instagram: @rookalyssa

Jerky made from every damn animal and the strange subculture associated with it.

Jerky made from every damn animal and the strange subculture associated with it.

It seems that everyone in the Midwest knows at least one person that makes their own jerky and trades it with other jerky connoisseurs — and you know what? IT’S WEIRD AND I DON’T WANT TO EAT YOUR SKETCHY DIY GARAGE JERKY.

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Hot canned tuna in the form of tuna noodle casserole topped with crushed potato chips.

Hot canned tuna in the form of tuna noodle casserole topped with crushed potato chips.

Canned tuna is not good, and it certainly doesn’t taste any better when baked into a cheesy casserole of crushed potato chips and peas.

Instagram: @bakingwithbrooklyn

Those gray bratwursts that sit in a lukewarm pot of bath water at every outdoor party.

Those gray bratwursts that sit in a lukewarm pot of bath water at every outdoor party.

Or worse, the ones that are grilled to a crisp THEN transferred to a hot water bath to keep warm. I wan’t nothing to do with it!

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Those butter burgers that give you a stomach ache every time you eat them.

Those butter burgers that give you a stomach ache every time you eat them.

As if regular burgers weren’t indulgent enough, these are spread with a TON of butter to make them even more overwhelming. I ate a few growing up and always immediately regretted it.

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Those creamy, mayo-bound mixtures that Midwesterners actually consider a salad (AKA ambrosia/watergate salads).

Those creamy, mayo-bound mixtures that Midwesterners actually consider a salad (AKA ambrosia/watergate salads).

Salad = greens + dressing, NOT a mayo-bound mixture of marshmallows and canned pineapple.

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That gross, vomit-like concoction of processed cheese and cheap beer.

That gross, vomit-like concoction of processed cheese and cheap beer.

Beer cheese tastes like warm bile, and I’m not cool with that. I never understood this and made a conscious effort to avoid it at all costs growing up.

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Those starchy casseroles that people call hot dish.

Those starchy casseroles that people call hot dish.

I have eaten a hot dish, I have made a hot dish, yet I still don’t know WHAT a hot dish is. In my opinion, a hot dish is a starchy mixture of whatever food is too gross to eat by itself topped with cheese (and sometimes tater tots) baked into a bubbling mess.

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That sickly sweet snack fittingly called puppy chow that’s covered in way too much powdered sugar.

That sickly sweet snack fittingly called puppy chow that's covered in way too much powdered sugar.

When the last step of a recipe tells you to add an entire bag of powdered sugar, you have to think twice about whether or not you should be doing this…

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Goulash (or what I used to call cafeteria slop).

Goulash (or what I used to call cafeteria slop).

This stew of veggies and meat tossed with macaroni looks like slop because it IS slop. I can understand wanting something warm and hearty during the freezing Midwest winters, but I just never liked it. SORRY GUYS.

Instagram: @pcamparone

Friday fish fries (both the gross fried smelts and the event itself).

Friday fish fries (both the gross fried smelts and the event itself).

If you’ve ever been to a Midwestern fish fry, then you know just how gross smelts are. They’re tiny trash fish that you can fry whole that NOBODY under 95 years old wants to eat (even if they are all you can eat).

Instagram: @tender60

Gelatinous (and aggressively fragrant) lutefisk that many Midwesterners were forced to eat during the holidays.

Gelatinous (and aggressively fragrant) lutefisk that many Midwesterners were forced to eat during the holidays.

If you’re not familiar, lutefisk is a dried whitefish that has been soaked in lye and is a staple of many Midwest holiday dinners. It’s gelatinous, smelly, and NOT for me.

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But despite these few outliners, I still consider the Midwest the KING of comfort food.

But despite these few outliners, I still consider the Midwest the KING of comfort food.

So here’s to delicious fried cheese curds, deep dish pizza, and fried ravioli. 👌

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